Talking Squid is a GLOBAL MIND CONTROL CONSPIRACY well on its way to RULING THE WORLD. There’s no need to be afraid! If you join us now, you can “GET IN ON THE GROUND FLOOR” of this exciting secret cabal. That’s right! You don’t have to be a mad scientist, a deranged billionaire, or a religious freak to join the Talking Squid conspiracy. Let us control your thoughts and within five days (95% CI 0-10^100) you will start to reap the benefits of WEALTH, POWER, and PRESTIGE. You CAN’T believe it? Listen to these genuine, real, 100% TRUE co-conspirators.
“I used to struggle to make ends meet on the single parent pension but now I have a Permanent Disablity Pension as well! Thank you, Talking Squid!” Jasmyne, 23, Mildura
“At first I wasn’t too sure about giving over my thoughts to a group of shadowy conspirators, but the crew at Talking Squid really put my mind at rest. Really, they did.” Kevin, 57, Townsville
“I worried about whether it was the right thing to ‘accidentally’ lean on an old man’s respirator tube. Over and over, Talking Squid would convince me that it was necessary, but when it came down to it, I just couldn’t go through with it. In the end, it became obvious that the old bastard just wouldn’t die by himself and I realised Talking Squid was right. And now I get to wear the big white hat!” (Name withheld by request, Vatican City)
“I used to think destabilising the Middle East was a bad idea, but after I let Talking Squid take over my brain, it made a whole lotta sense.” George, 59, Washington
“The Templars were getting stale, you know. I’d had a lot of fun with the guys, but all that covering up for a bunch of inbreds was losing its magic. Then along came Talking Squid and I never looked back.” William, 381, Malta
If you have had enough of personal responsibility, let Talking Squid do your thinking for you. It’s easy! It’s fun! IT’S A GODDAMN RELIEF! Just click on the RSS feed to let Talking Squid beam ideas DIRECTLY INTO YOUR BRAIN, or via a computer monitor depending on local conditions. Talking Squid is currently recruiting for the next Dalai Lama and it COULD BE YOU! We can even MAKE YOU ENJOY the taste of koumiss*. Don’t wait! DO IT NOW!
* fermented yak’s milk yoghurt