I have this theory that some objects cause effects in culture similar to the gravitational effect a body such as a planet or comet causes in space-time. You know that demonstration: space as a flat sheet of rubber pulled taut. Billiard balls sit upon it, the indentations they make representing the effect of gravity. Roll a marble along the rubber sheet and it curves towards a billiard ball. You with me?

Anyway, imagine the billiard balls are memes. The marble is the consumers’ attention. Memes can assert dramatic impact on the marble, trapping it in orbit for awhile. Marbles have rockets embedded (independent thought) and thus can ignite engines, pull free of the billiard ball’s gravity well at any time and continue the journey through flat rubber space.

The further the marble gets from a billiard ball’s gravity well, the less able it is to understand what attracted it to that particular billiard ball in the first place.

Why am I thinking about this? Because last night myself and three friends watched Snakes on a Plane [IMDB entry]. We wanted to kick back, eat pizza and watch some dumb big arse Hollywood flick on my big arse plasma screen TV. We were not looking for quality, we were looking for amusement. I remember some of the reviews when the film was released in the cinema. The movie was supposed to be big shiny fun.

But you know, I reckon ‘Lazy Writers on a Plane’ would have been a better title. I expected the film to reference other disaster films. I expected the film makers to know why we were watching it, and put some clever little twists in there as rewards. But they didn’t. They ran through a checklist and ticked a bunch of boxes. Or worse — It’s like the producers assembled a room full of children, sat them round a table with crayons and butcher’s paper and asked them to draw every place on the human body that you can stick a snake. “On his willie! That’s very funny, Timmy ­ he can pretend it’s a fire hose. ‘Up the fat lady’s clacker!’ That’s a good one, Mary… ooh, in the eye. Very imaginative, Rebecca. Extra marks for that one.”

I mean, they had a kickboxer on the plane. Did I doze off and miss the big snake kickboxing sequence? I guess that might have cost too much to film. We had a plane, we had snakes all over everybody, then the plane landed. At rental price $2.95, I felt cheated.

So here’s the thing: The film looked so old and so dated, even though its only been out of the cinema a few months. IMHO, this is because my three friends and I, travelling on our imaginary marble, were seeing it from a position well removed from its billiard ball gravity well. As a source of gravity, Snakes on a Plane is a gas giant. No hard surface. No molten core. Just a memetic indentation. Yet had we seen it when it first came out, I reckon we all would have thought it was fun.