Daniel Wilson is having fun again.

Who is Daniel Wilson you say?

He has a PhD in Robotics from Carnegie-Mellon University, which I’ve been told is pretty grand. But what is grand was his first nifty little book How to Survive a Robot Uprising, and having a PhD in Robotics, he should know.

He now has come out with another nifty little book called Where’s My Jetpack? And indeed that is something we all ask.

Inside he gives us a run down of things the past promised would be the future we expected today. Yes, someone has done a book based on the nerd boy lament of “Where’s my flying car?” Why he didn’t use Flying Car in his title, I dunno, but Jetpack is a pretty good substitute. So here is everything you wanted to know of the future we didn’t get. Well, at least not yet.

And what haven’t we got yet?

Obviously the Jet Packs (ever since we saw them in Lost in Space we thought they were cool. Except for that little tassel on Professor Robinson’s helmet, that was as naff as Debbie the space chimp - gloop gloop). But where are the Moving Sidewalks? (I remember those in Asimov’s 1953 Caves of Steel) The Zeppelins over every city skyline (but in every bloody alternate world novel you can think of). Self Steering Cars (still promised in every future tech doco show for the last twenty-five years). Flying Cars (in those same docos). Underwater Hotels (well, there’s at least one out there but it fits like two bunks and it ain’t very deep). Holograms (otherwise all the nerdboys would have Princess Leia appearing on their coffee table whenever the phone rang). Teleportation Devices (yeah, well, who didn’t think they were a pipe-dream). X-Ray specs (I’m grown up now and I can see naked women whenever I want to, so I don’t need to dream of x-ray specs). Universal Translators (in case I haven’t learnt Klingon by the time we engage them in our space exploration, but then I could always pick up a Not-So-Lonely Planet edition of The Klingon Phrase Book). Robot Servants (but then, the bastards would uprise anyway). Food Pills (God forbid, I luv my bulky food, I luv it). Rayguns (but I can make the sounds, that’s all I need). Unisex Jumpsuits (I know people who so want those. I know people I wish who had those instead of what they do wear. No shorts with capes, wear unisex jumpsuits, dammit!). And Space Stations and Moon Colonies and whatnot.

We dream, we dream.

I dream, but most of all I dream of Smell-O-Vision. But wait, we did have Smell-O-Vision. I saw John Water’s 1981 film Polyester in Smell-O-Vision, I had a scratch and sniff card and I smelled new car upholstery and farts in elevators and everything. Oh wait, that was Odorama.

Damn you the future of yesterday! If only I had this book in the past I wouldn’t have confused my odoramas and smell-o-visions. But thankfully now this book is in our future.