CHRIS MOONEY: Hey guys, I’ve written this really cool book called “The Republican War on Science.”

P.Z. DITCHKENS: That’s great. We need more people talking about the way powerful conservative groups have undermined science for their own ends.

MOONEY: You should shut up!

PZD: What? Why?

MOONEY: You’re one of them Newfangled Atheists.

PZD: What’s wrong with that?

MOONEY: All you do is create confrontation by challenging religious views.

PZD: Some religious views have to be challenged. Creationism, for instance.

MOONEY: Don’t be idiotic. You can’t challenge religious views. People get upset. You’re only helping the creationists.

PZD: How am I supposed to support evolution without challenging creationism?

MOONEY: You need to learn how to communicate properly. Like me.

PZD: And how many hardcore Republicans do you think read “The Republican War on Science”?

MOONEY: Shut up.

PZD: My books have sold millions of copies and been highly influential.

MOONEY: That’s beside the point. You’re too aggressive.

PZD: I’m just presenting the evidence as plainly and directly as I can.

MOONEY: And that makes people upset. You should stop it.

PZD: I don’t think I can argue the case for evolution without upsetting some people.

MOONEY: Then you shouldn’t be writing books.

PZD: Oh come on! Don’t you try to silence me!

MOONEY: I didn’t try to silence you.

PZD: You did. Several times already.

MOONEY: Did not.

PZD: You told me to be quiet and that I’m only helping the creationists and that I shouldn’t be writing books.

MOONEY: Did not.

PZD: And you called me an idiot. Look at the transcript. There and there and there and there.

MOONEY: Where?

PZD: There and there and there and there.

MOONEY: Uh, all right. I’ll concede that I said those things. But you’ve misinterpreted me.

PZD: How could your words possibly be misinterpreted?

MOONEY: Firstly, “idiotic” is an adjective whereas “idiot” is a noun, so it’s not the same thing. Secondly, I use the word “should” a lot. That’s not in the imperative tense. Grammatically speaking, I wasn’t exactly ordering you to be quiet.

PZD: You’re splitting hairs now, Captain Syntax!

MOONEY: Whatever. The point is you misrepresented my position.

PZD: Which is?

[pause]

MOONEY: That you shouldn’t write books.

PZD: Oh shut up!

MOONEY (à la Jack Benny): Well, really!

Tags: chris mooney, creationism, evolution, p.z. ditchkens, republican war on science